THE ARRIVAL

One of the most important parts of the homestay is the arrival of you international student. Remember: this person will be walking into a different home with new people, practices, and surroundings. Even though the move is not permanent, the stress of living in someone else’s home can be considerable. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to make your student’s arrival less stressful:

• A welcome sign on your door or in your living room

• Pictures displayed with family member’s names on them (typical American names for men and women may be different in their country)

• A tour of your home after your student is given time to put their baggage away and freshen up.

• Introducing your pets from a distance at first

• Make sure their room is prepared

• Have your student record their voice after yours on your answering machine

After hours of air travel and sumptuous airline cuisine (!), you visitor may arrive hungry. A light snack and time to freshen up is a great introduction to your home. Encourage your student to call home (collect) to reassure their family that they have arrived safely.

Your student will be excited, uncertain of what to expect, and eager to make a good impression. Students are often exhausted after their pre-departure preparations and long flight to the United States. The stress of trying to communicate in English, fear of misunderstanding and making mistakes, and the inability to easily comprehend the “right” way to do things can also be very wearing. As a result, you can expect your student to be rather tired. It is not uncommon to discover that many international students sleep in quite late. Don’t be surprised if you student falls asleep during the great activities you have planned. Try not to take it personally and make sure they have time to take a nap if they are feeling tired.

WHAT TO EXPECT

Unfortunately, it is difficult to be precise when explaining what you should expect from an international student. There are general guidelines, however, for understanding some basic cultural differences between other countries and the United States.

First, your student will be excited, eager to make a good impression and probably afraid of doing something that might prove embarrassing or culturally inappropriate. As a result, it is not unusual for a homestay student to spend a fair amount of time at the beginning simply observing and trying to get a “feel” for what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. In general, you can expect your student to be quite accommodating and to look to you to take the lead. Developing friendships and learning about a different culture is the main goal of homestay and anything you can do to help the process along is important.

However, things are not always sweetness and light. Hosting involves emotions, an while you will probably find that your student is polite and pleasant to be with, problems can arise – after all, you can’t expect to get along perfectly with everybody. The key point is that it is best to be willing to work through difficulties that may arise. Not only can this provide you with valuable insights into your own culture, but it can generate even stronger friendships than might otherwise develop.

Another question that is frequently asked is “just exactly what is the role of a homestay student?” It may be a great comfort, at first, to provide guidelines for you international student. There maybe be times when you are unsure just how much “pampering” is appropriate for someone who is meant to be an active part of the family and is not exactly a guest. Basically, the homestay student is someone who is here to learn how Americans live day-to-day. With this in mind, the best course of actions is to simply “be yourself” and not go to any great lengths to overwhelm the student with a flurry of activities. This means that while you would not want your weekend visitor to simply sit and watch 12 hours of TV game shows each day, neither would you want to feel burdened with having to act like a cruise director and eat each meal at a fancy restaurant.

A rule of thumb is: schedule activities and the intensity of your formal hospitality, according to the length of the homestay. The shorter the stay, the more “guest-like” your international student should be treated. For long-term homestays, you must take a different approach. After all, there are limits to how long a family can entertain and cater to a student without suffering from frazzled nerves and growing resentments.

In conclusion, your expectations and the expectations of you international student will reflect some basic cultural differences between the United States and your student’s homeland. What you will find in the following sections are some basic cultural concerns that can affect one’s experience in hosting an international student. While the following information hardly scratches the surface of intercultural differences, it should give you a good start toward a rewarding experience as a host.

HOW TO MAKE INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS FEEL AT HOME

1. Schedule activities so that your student does not feel overwhelmed. Allow for extra sleep and the opportunity to “retreat” occasionally.

2. Explain basic household and social “rules” (e.g. no smoking in the house, where to put wet towels, etc.)

3. Encourage questions.

4. Accept and be prepared for challenging questions as to why things are done the way they are in the United States. Remember, one of the main benefits of hosting an international student is gaining more profound insights into one’s own culture.

5. Remain flexible in your expectations.

6. Housework: Show your student how to make their bed and clean their bedroom. Beyond this, students should not be expected to do more than some small chores such as helping to clear the table or wash dishes after dinner.

7. Expect the unexpected. “Normal” routines of personal hygiene, mealtime etiquette, and what is considered “polite” vary greatly form culture to culture.

COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR INTERNATIONAL STUDENT

Most international homestay students will not be fluent in English. They usually read and write much better than they can speak and comprehend oral speech. Below you will find some basic suggestions for increasing communication with you student.

1. Face the person and speak clearly. Speak loudly enough to be heard and speak a little more slowly than you would to a native speaker. Shouting or speaking too slowly will not, however, help someone to understand.

2. Use simple vocabulary, grammar, and short sentences. Avoid slang and idiomatic expressions (e.g. “in for the long haul”, “tough row to hoe”, etc.)! Write out what you are trying to convey if you are having difficulty getting your point across.

3. Pause more frequently when speaking than you would to a native speaker. Sounds that are common and easily comprehended by Americans may not occur in your visitor’s language and the differences in sound may not be easy to hear. Remain patient.

4. Encourage your student to speak regardless of errors. Do not interrupt them to make corrections; correct major errors after they have completed a thought. The best way to correct someone is by “modeling”; that is, simply repeating what was said in a correct manner.

5. Overlook minor errors in speaking and be generous in your praise of progress and efforts to speak. Remember, most people are extremely afraid of embarrassing themselves by speaking poorly.

6. Americans hate silence. BUT WAIT! Do not rush to fill in gaps of silence in a conversation. Your student may be translating or just be thinking more slowly in English. Also, some cultures appreciate silence more than we do in the United States.

7. It is best to assume that people comprehend less than you think they do. If you are unsure whether you are communicating an idea or concept, assume that you probably are not doing so.

8. Communicate! Make sure your student understands what you are saying. If it is something important ask your student to repeat what you have just said. Be patient in explaining things. You may have to try many different ways of saying something and use demonstrations before understanding dawns.

9. Watch for non-verbal cues. Some cultures put more emphasis on the use of non-verbal cues (posture, facial expressions, touching, eye movements, and etc.) than does American culture. Your student may communicate one thing verbally to avoid being rude, yet communicate the opposite through posture. It is not uncommon for international students to build up secret frustrations or anger if their non-verbal communication is not understood.

10. A sense of humor is enjoyed worldwide. But “jokes” and sarcasm often do not make sense across cultures. What you find funny may be misunderstood by your student. For example, one US family lost $20. Their Japanese student found it. The host father said, “Oh, you were hiding it, eh?” The Japanese girl took his “joke” seriously and ran to her room crying. She did not understand English well enough to “get it,” and she probably wouldn’t have understood the joke anyway. (Anecdote related by Martha Low, University of Oregon.)

TOPICS THAT CAN STIMULATE DISSCUSSIONS AND QUESTIONS THAT YOU BE ASKED BY YOUR STUENDT

The following topics might prove useful in starting discussions. Many people find it useful to compare that is done in their families with their international student’s family.

The time the family goes to bed.

The time the family rises.

The time meals are served and what is served.

Who prepares the meals?

What are your student’s food preferences?

When is a good time to bathe – and how long?

How often your student expects to bathe.

Who does the laundry?

When, where and how laundry is done?

Use of the telephone. Hours when it’s best to use the phone.

Length of time for phone use and respect of family members’ phone needs.

Use of the television and until what hour?

Invitation of students. Checking it out with family first.

Going out. Time to be home. Checking in when delayed.

Time to be picking up, if necessary.

Family smoking policy.

Which jobs are shared by family members and students.

Special customs to be observed by family.

Other topics that are useful stimulants for discussion:

Climate, geography, sports, holidays (what, when, how), leisure activities, dating customs, socializing (where one goes, what is done, how lat people stay out, etc.), pets, literature, movies, and forms of government. Discussion of politics in their countries is best left up to them to bring up. Remember, your international student is a patriot of their country and politics may be a sensitive issue. Also, don’t expect citizens of socialist countries to believe that our economic and political ways of doing things are necessarily the best.

GIFTS

You can expect your student to bring along some small gift for your family. In return, you should be prepared to reciprocate with a small gift to your student. Your gift should not be expensive; indeed, the best gifts are often homemade items. Your gift is a symbol of continued friendship and as such, it is made extra special if it originates from your local area. For example, in the Northwest an excellent gift could be a small wrapped package of smoked salmon, Native-American arts and crafts, a T-shirt portraying your town, etc.

Let your student take the initiative in the gift-giving exchange. Surprising your student with a gift for which he is unprepared to reciprocate can cause deep embarrassment. Be certain that your gift if nicely wrapped, but do not insist that your student open it immediately. People from some cultures often open their gift in private to save face in case they do not like the gift. Also, don’t make a big deal about presenting your gift and don’t expect to necessarily be thanked for it. Not being thanked for your gift isn’t necessarily rudeness – in many cultures it simply isn’t the custom.

Note: Gifts that have a religious significance are not acceptable ways of extending an understanding friendship. Remember that such a gift may actually make students with different beliefs and value systems very uncomfortable.

MONEY MATTERS

Many international students become uncomfortable when have g to decide who pays for what during a home stay. The guideline we offer is that if your student wants to do something that costs a fee (e.g. go to a festival, see a movie, etc.) then the student should pay his or her own way. However, if the host decides that everyone will do something that costs money, then the host should pay for the student.

One problem that can arise is if a student is given a choice between doing something that costs money (e.g. going to the zoo) and going something else that is free. Often the student either does not completely understand that one of the choices costs money or misinterprets the move expensive “choice” as an invitation to have his way paid for by the family only to discover that the host expects the student to pay their own expenses. Some students will simply agree to go along with most anything out of a desire to lease the host and then became chagrined when it comes time to pay. Therefore, the best policy is to be very clear about thins when you are inviting a student to participate in an event that costs money! Another thing to remember is that you have a budget. Please do not feel obligated to schedule all sorts of activities that cost money. Usually, international students remember and cherish events and activities that cost little or no money. For example, playing in a neighborhood softball game; going on a family picnic; taking a bicycle trip; a backyard barbecue with neighbors; a walk to a nearby store or ice cream parlor; cooking together, etc.

RELIGION

Many people become confused when considering religious practices. Should you invite your international student to your religious service? Do you need to cater to the religious preferences of the student?

The best policy is to follow your typical religious practices while respecting the religious preferences of your student. If you regularly attend church, it is perfectly appropriate to invite your student to attend with you, but attendance should never be insisted upon. Similarly, if your student is particularly religious, it is only common courtesy to help find an appropriate place of worship.

While discussing religion certainly need not be avoided, the best policy is simply to be sensitive and respectful of your student’s personal beliefs while maintaining your own. Occasionally, a family that is particularly enthusiastic about their own faith wants to devote a great deal of time discussing religion with their student. Not surprisingly, international students are often put off by this and many strongly resent it. Respond appropriately to your student’s level of interest in religion. If your student pursues a conversation about religious matters, then feel free to respond to questions and comments. However, if your student seems uncomfortable or uninterested and does not continue to ask questions, then it is best to move on to another subject.

FOOD & MEALS

The first thing to remember is that you don’t have to change you eating habits! Your student may not be used to eating the things you prepare, but this is one of the benefits of living in a homestay – trying new things! It’s important, however, to explain how meals work in your home – which meals you will fix, which meals the students will need to prepare themselves, which food is available to for them to use and what is saved for special occasions, and finally, when meal times are scheduled. Explaining your meal system to your student will relieve a lot of anxiety.

Next, give your students a kitchen tour. Many of our students don’t normally prepare their own meals and may need a bit of help at first. Make it clear to your student that, as part of your family, to “help yourself” is a common practice in American households and that it’s okay to do. Understandably, there may be some awkward feelings at first. Be prepared to help them a few times until they get comfortable with the process.

Because your regular diet may be unfamiliar to your student and because there is often hesitation in accepting second helpings, your student may not get enough to eat. International students sometimes find that American breakfasts and lunches are much smaller than their meals at home. Let your student know that asking for more to eat is okay. Sometimes your student will request something special to eat or drink. Try to be accommodating but only within reason! It is nice to buy one or two items the student is used to eating. But, it’s certainly okay to say that you are buying things for everyone to eat and politely request that the students purchase it themselves.

Try to make dinnertime a family occasion, a time to gather together and share the day’s events. This is a great time to relax, get to know each other better, and learn more about one another’s culture. A great way to make friends, learn about another culture, and savor the wonderful world of international cuisine is to invite your student to help cook some traditional dishes from home.

MEAL PREPARATION

Muslims will not eat pork. Assure them verbally before they begin to eat anything that pig meat is not included in the meal. Do not prepare food with lard. Also, most Muslims will not drink alcoholic beverages. Some will not even tolerate eating at the same table where others are consuming alcohol.

Hindus will not eat beef (the cow is sacred to them) and in many cases are vegetarians. Strict vegetarians do not eat animal fats, shortenings (use olive oil instead) or eggs.

Jews that follow “kosher” rules prohibit the eating of pork, ham or shellfish. Often foods must be prepared in a special way as well.

Lamb, fish, and chicken are usually acceptable to any of the Eastern Hemisphere people. However, do not use meats like sausage when the ingredients are unknown.

Rice is a staple for Eastern people just as bread is for those in the West. Some eat it at every meal. Serve it as often as possible and ask what kind of rice they prefer.

Alcoholic beverages must not be offered to Muslims. Fruit juices are greatly appreciated.

Fruits and cheeses are preferred by many international students rather than sweet desserts.

Fried or greasy foods usually get a “thumbs down.”

Fresh vegetables and fruits (raw or cooked) are always a safe bet.

Dairy products, such as milk, cream, ice cream, and cheese are difficult for some people to digest. If your visitor develops stomach problems, chances are that your students needs to reduce consumption of these items.

WHAT TO DO IF DIFFICULTIES ARISE

Problems aren’t necessarily going to occur, but whenever two or more people reside in the same household occasional issues can surface. This is no different when it comes to hosting an international student. Generally, however, intercultural problems revolve around simple cultural misunderstandings and can be resolved easily be merely talking about them in a relaxed, matter-of-fact manner. This is particularly true for those rare instances that occur during short-term homestays of a week or less. Keep in mind that your international student may hesitate to bring matters up out of fear of seeming ungrateful, consideration for not hurting someone’s feelings, concern about not being respectful as a student or out of the belief that things will be made worse.

The best course of action to take if minor problems arise is to remember that your international student does not know the social rules we Americans operate by, nor do they understand (or necessarily share) American values. Keep in mind many common behaviors and values that we take for granted (for example: “Honesty is the best policy”) may be novel, or even shocking, to an international student. Conversely, many behaviors that new arrivals consider “natural” may seem odd or shocking to us. The point is to remain flexible and realize that people generally aim to please and be cooperative, and that any difficulties that may arise are usually due to misconceptions or mismatched basic assumptions for how to conduct oneself. These differences are neither good nor bad. They are simply ways of making sense of the world form alternative cultural viewpoints.

Common Mistakes of Hosts

Having unrealistic expectations of the international student. Expecting an international student to be a paragon of politeness, respect, studiousness, etc. can prove disappointing. In fact, international students are just like everybody else – they are humans who sometimes make mistakes and are not perfect. A major point to remember is that very few people ever intend to be deceitful, insulting, or dishonest. And 99% of such perceptions are due to a miscommunication or mismatched assumptions.

Desiring to be a host to learn a foreign language. It is best to remember that an international student is here either to learn English or US culture. That is not say you cannot occasionally practice your language skills, but the opportunity to listen to and speak English is of utmost importance to your student. Hosts must remember that if their native language is not English, only English should be spoken during the student’s homestay.

Desiring to host out of the hope that the international student will be a good example for your own children. This doesn’t work and often creates resentments within the family. Also, do not expect an international student and your children to become “instant friends” and lifelong buddies. Happily, sometimes this happens, but not always.

Failure to respect the student’s culture. This doesn’t mean that you should give up your family routines and values, but it does mean that you should try to be sensitive to the beliefs and values of your visitor. For example, cooking pork chops for dinner when hosting a Muslim or demanding that a Buddhist attend church every Sunday are culturally insensitive activities.

Hosting to find a baby-sitter or renter. This is not the same as hosting. Hosting involves the exchange of culture, ideas and time while sharing a home. It is our goal to foster these types of relationships and to learn from them, not to establish a business relationship.

GENERAL SKILLS FOR MAKING HOSTING WORK BETTER

Make your hosting experience more enjoyable by cultivating the following traits:

Open-mindedness * A non-judgmental attitude * Empathy * A generous sense of humor * Tolerance for differences * Curiosity * Willingness to work at communicating * Being able to feel comfortable with ambiguity.

COMMUNITY

Even the simplest things that we take for granted may be radically different from those of your student’s culture. Shopping without bartering, taking the bus, writing a check, driving, using the telephone, making a doctor’s appointment, and so on, may loom large to your student. You will very likely have to walk them through some of these things the first time. Be patient and explain slowly and in detail. The Housing Coordinator will gladly assist you if you should find yourself in need of help.

MEDICAL EMERGENCIES

Medical emergencies are rare but they can happen. The procedure you should take is as follows:

1. Take the student to the nearest hospital or emergency facility.

2. Contact both the Student Advisor and the Housing Coordinator (see the Contacts page).

3. Do no pay any money for medical services. All of A.C.E. Language Institute students have health insurance that will be billed, although they may be asked to pay a deductible at the time of service. Please help your student complete the insurance forms properly.

4. If you have trouble explaining the doctor’s instructions, diagnosis, or request for future appointments, request the Student Advisor to find someone to interpret important information.

5. Be certain to pas son all doctor’s instructions (especially future appointments) to the Student Advisor and Housing Coordinator.

GUESTS

Sometimes your student may accept invitations or make invitations without consulting you. If this happens you must remember that there was probably absolutely no intent to be inconsiderate and that the decision was probably made out of an innocent desire to please or make friends. Therefore, it is important to let you student know that you need to be consulted if he of she intends to accept invitations to the homes of other people or would like to invite someone over. In the same vein, please do not invite another international student to participate in an activity until you coordinate your offer with that student’s host family.

TIME CONCEPTS

Americans are relatively punctual and time-concious people, but peoples in other cultures may be more relaxed about time. It is important to explain to your student that Americans expect others to be on time and that a telephone call is an expected courtesy if they will be late or must cancel an appointment. This may have to be communicated more than once. Don’t expect your student to change life-long habits quickly or easily, if at all, during their time with you.

HOUSEHOLD RULES

If you have certain ways that things are done, be certain to explain the rules before your student discovers them the hard way. Problems and embarrassment can be avoided if the following subjects are addressed early in the homestay: the appropriate length of time to take showers; where one disposes of dirty towels and linen; how to use the bathtub or shower; what can and cannot be flushed down the toilet; when the bathroom is normally left open and when not; the location of light and wall switches, door and window locks; use of the television, laundry facilities; use of the kitchen and its appliances, etc.

LONG DISTANCE TELEPHONE CALLS

Some international students make a lot of very expensive long distance telephone calls each month. If you do not wish to pay a very large phone bill for a student that has moved from your home, you may want to implement one of the following:

1. Insist that the student uses a telephone “calling card,” which can be purchased at many locations, including Costco.

2. For a small fee per month, put a long distance block on your phone, the student will have to use their “calling card” to make a long distance call. Your local telephone company can advise you on this.

3. Install another telephone line in your home with a block on it. The cost for installation and local phone bills are your responsibility, unless the student is making the request and agrees to have the phone in their name and pay all costs.

CONVERSATION

Clarify “yes” and “no” responses. Most international students have trouble with the correct usage of “yes” and “no” in response to negatively phrased questions. For example: “You didn’t like the cake, did you?” If the student didn’t like it, he would reply, “yes.” Implied in that “yes” is “that’s right, I didn’t like it.” In English, we respond with the negative “no.”

Because most students do not feel comfortable bringing up concerns and frustrations, it is best for the host to ask a lot of questions such as, “Are you getting enough to eat?”, “Is your bedroom warm enough?” or “Are the children bothering you when you study?” In essence, you as a host must anticipate possible problems and be proactive.

THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR HOMESTAY STUDENT

The following list of activities may seem commonplace to you, yet they can be novel and exciting to your student. The list is by no means “complete,” but it will jelp you get started in coming up with ideas of your own:

Picnics; barbeques; meal preparation (an American meal or a foreign meal); baking; board games (e.g. Monopoly, Go, Backgammon, Chess, etc.); sharing photo albums and collections (e.g. stamps, butterflies, art, etc.); going on interesting errands; going to a drive-in movie; shopping (Pike Street Market, Larry’s Market, a mall); community activities ( Little League, town council meeting, sports, church); going swimming, bowling, roller skating, ice skating, fishing, golfing, dancing, to play tennis, hiking, to a concert; playing music; attending a party; attending a wedding (even a funeral); riding on a ferry; going to the beach or mountains, zoo, aquarium, or arboretum; simply driving around; wind surfing; professional or amateur sporting events. Basically, you do not have to think up exotic adventures. Things that may seem ordinary to you can be uncommon to your student. Treat your student as one of the family, not as a guest. They may have different expectations, so an explanation is appropriate.

VISAS

Please note: If you plan to take your student to Canada, you must make sure to check visa requirements for re-entry into the United States! There are various kinds of visas for international students and many of them require advance permission (with appropriate official signatures) before they will be allowed back into the U.S. after leaving. Being stranded at the border is no fun at all. The best policy is to check with the Language Institute’s student advisor before leaving for a trip outside of U.S. borders.

DRUGS

While the use of “recreational” drugs may have, unfortunately, become somewhat commonplace in the U.S., the American Cultural Exchange regards any use of alcohol or drugs to be an undesirable practice that may be dangerous to the health and safety of international students. The American Cultural Exchange asks that program participants never be invited to participate in gatherings where illegal or controlled drugs are likely to be present. Young adults must also be advised of the laws prohibiting underage drinking, even thought their U.S. peers may casually disregard these legal guidelines. This may seem to be obvious common sense, but we include this paragraph as a reminder that we are responsible to protect the health and safety of our international guests. Promoting standards that create an atmosphere for a marvelous intercultural exchange is our goal and drugs can only diminish that positive experience.

RESOURCES

There are many books, which provide rich background information for you as a host. Your neighborhood public library and various video stores offer wonderful visual presentations that will expand your sense of cultural awareness.

VIDEOS:

Baraka – A transcendental poetic tour of the globe.

Mr. Baseball – Tom Selleck plays on a Japanese baseball team in Japan (comedy).

Cold Water* – Foreign students recount their experiences in coming to the U.S. for the first time.

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman – A comedy about food and romance.

El Norte – A story of a Central American brother and sister’s journey to the U.S.

Indochine – A story of passion and revolution in colonial Vietnam.

Joy Luck Club – A powerful story of Chinese women and how their ties to their Chinese heritage affect their lives.

Milagro Beanfield War – Rich vignette of the clash between modern and traditional values in a rural New Mexican town.

Mississippi Masala – Culture clashes between the family of a young firl form India and her romance with an African American.

The Great Wall – A humorous story of the reunion of a San Francisco Chinese American family with their relatives in China.

The Wedding Banquet – The struggle between traditional and modern Chinese expectations for life.

Volunteers – Tom Hanks and John Candy join the Peace Corps. Rated “R” with loads of intercultural conflict.

BOOKS:

American Ways G. Althen

American Cultural Patterns* E.C. Stewart

Culture Shock A. Furnham & S. Bochner

Do’s and Taboos of Hosting International Visitors* (Business People) R.E. Axtell

Host Family Survival Kit* (High School Students) N. King & K. Huff

Survival Kit for Overseas Living* L.R. Kohls

Bamboo R. Austin

A Fondness for Ice Water C.L.Grove

Public and Private Self in Japan and the U.S. D. Barnlund

Chrysanthemums and the Sword R. Benedict

What’s Japanese about Japan J. Condon & K. Kurata

Japan Unmasked I. Kawasaki

With Respect to the Japanese – A guide for Americans* J. Condon

A Common Core – Thais & Americans* J.P. Fieg

Encountering the Chinese – A guide for Americans* H. Wenzhong & C.L. Grove

From Nyet to Da – Understanding the Russians* Y. Richmond

Understanding Arabs – A guide for Western* M.K. Nydell

*Intercultural Press, Inc.

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